Oblivion
I got a little melodramatic last night and had a go at writing… It turned out a little bleak, but here it is… It’s called
Oblivion
She cocoons herself inside,
Her self-pity stifling her reality;
Turning the tap of sympathy off, hard.
-
She jams the everlasting, nerve-wracking ‘please’,
And the never-ending, nail-biting ‘help’,
All that’s left is the dull, tortured ‘me’.
-
It curls inside her, settling down to sleep,
A white fog of cotton; sterile, institutional.
Sour as coconut, Tart as saccharine.
-
It swirls inside her psyche,
Like scented talc in a windowless room;
Caulking the cracks, holding the silence in.
-
Outside they wait, muttering pleas.
Their fingers nervously tap, tap, tap,
Against the chalky shell of her solitude.
-
But she slumps against the wall,
Her fingernails etching her story into her skin
As she lets her self-pity stifle her reality.
—-
Full props to Andrew for helping me edit it, too!

October 8th, 2009 at 11:11 pm
Not sure what I think of the Poem, but you know me. Im not verry edumacated like that. But I like the picture!
October 11th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Well, I’ve already liked it
. But, I think you got rid of (changed) that line I loved!!!
Though very polished, excellent post editing process, it comes out looking complete. well done.
.
ALso like when structure is played around with, the “please help me” at the end of the sentence. Have I missed anything?
Also, *hugs*